My toddler only eats when she is on my lap

The first step is to figure out why your toddler prefers your lap to her own seat. Does she want the proximity to you or is it that she doesn't like her seat?

Here are a few things you can try to encourage your toddler to sit on her seat:

• Give her plenty of lap time between meals : Perhaps your child wants to sit on your lap during meals because she doesn't get to spend enough time there between meals. Maybe she's looking for attention, especially if you're a working mum. If it is mummy time she craves, give her your attention outside mealtime. Try offering her a place on your lap while she plays with toys, or as a cozy spot to lounge when she needs a break. We have plenty of tips and fun things for you to do when you're together.
• Focus on her eating : If you're anxious about your toddler's food consumption, you may unknowingly encourage the eating-on-your-lap routine simply because she eats more that way. If so, think about why she does better there. Perhaps she rejects her booster seat or chair because it puts her "on stage" and subject to your inducements to eat more. In this case, you can't deal with the issue until you address your own worries.
  Let your child know that it's up to her to eat (or not to eat), and don't push food at her. Of course, it's possible the moment you stop pushing, she'll eat less. But your child won't starve herself and eventually, she will learn to feed herself and fill her tummy.
• Bring back her highchair : Many toddlers are still too little to safely use a booster seat or chair, so your child may feel unsteady in hers, hence her desire to sit elsewhere. Getting her old highchair out of storage may be all it takes to solve the problem. You could also try buying a new feeding chair or any toddler size furniture, such as a colourful chair or a table that your toddler would love to sit on and eat. This will also make her feel independent.
• Try a different arrangement: Shaking up your toddler's mealtime routine may help to get her off of your lap. Consider feeding her while she sits in a toddler-sized chair at a small, low table (a coffee or craft table, for instance). Serve a variety of finger foods that she can handle by herself with ease. Let her eat with her father on some days while you busy yourself elsewhere in the house. Or regularly invite cousins or another mum and toddler over for company. If you do, you may just help your toddler find a new routine that feels as comfortable to her as your lap did in the past.
• Eat meals together : If your child's mealtimes are usually different to yours, all sitting around the table together to eat might help. Your child will learn by seeing you and the rest of the family do things a certain way.
• Work with other caregivers: If she's doing the same thing with her grandparents or any other caregivers, such as a live-in maid it may help to set some rules. It's important that everyone caring for her follows the same feeding routine. Often grandparents narrate stories during mealtime with the little one on their lap. This is an age old technique to hold a child's attention. Perhaps that's what interests her and she's hoping to hear a story from you while she eats. You could encourage your toddler to eat a meal first and then follow it up with a story. You could ask your mother-in-law or father-in-law to take turns and tell your toddler a story after her meal is over.
• Reassure her if there's a new sibling in the house: Toddlers may seem to regress on skills they have learnt when a new sibling arrives. If she sees you feeding your new baby in your lap, she probably thinks it's acceptable for her too. It's natural for your eldest to feel jealous. After all, she suddenly has to share you.
  Acknowledge her feelings by putting them into words. You could say: "Your little sister cries a lot and takes up lots of Mummy’s time, doesn't she? Sometimes I bet you wish she could eat her dinner by herself!" This may help her to understand that you're aware of her point of view.
  Try to set aside time each day to do something with just her. Show your toddler pictures of her as a baby, and tell her that she once needed lots of special care, too.

As you change her feeding routine, give her foods you know she likes. It may help to ease up on battles over food for a while.

With time, you're bound to see a change. You toddler might even pick her own favourite plate, placemat or chair and look forward to eating independently.